Horsewomb

NOTE: This article will probably make no sense whatsoever unless you have a lot of background knowledge about another Wiki and its associated Discord server.

Also there's swear words or something so there's that.

 Horsewomb  is a Cosmic entity previously ruling a parallel Transcendentem to our own who was dragged across the Barrelplex by a group of very annoying Plum Demons, leading to him going to on two obnoxiously long adventures across metatime and space.

Personality
Horsewomb is mean. That is all.

Powers
Horsewomb’s primary power is its secretion of its amniotic fluid, a modified form of reality fluid.

Horsewomb’s amniotic fluid pools around life, rather than logical statements, but otherwise behaves similarly to reality fluid, including in determining the ontological weight of the objects that it is present in. Specifically, it pools around life that functions optimally, which means that in areas under the domain of Horsewomb’s influence, beings tend towards states in which they live longer, are healthier, reproduce more, and are more powerful more quickly than they would otherwise.

How optimal functioning is defined is at Horsewomb’s discretion, but with a few notable examples doubtlessly familiar to any immeasurable civilisation, matches with optimal functioning by the lifeform’s own standards.

Horsewomb can also create de novo life by allocating this amniotic fluid towards the optimally functioning states of lifeforms that do not yet exist - these are the so-called “Horses” of the Horsewomb, though following the Malchasis Disaster it is considered impolite to speak of them. Observers of chainspace can observe an “egg” containing the definition of the optimally functioning Horse travel from Horsewomb’s inner structures and embed itself in the target -verse, at which point the timeline there is rewritten to retroactively include the Horse.

These Horses’ histories primarily have them taking a manipulative role, being present a few to a Hubble volume in the densest regions and modifying the paths of civilisations in their range to further Horsewomb’s goals. This is aided by the Horse-Civilisation system counting as being alive to Horsewomb and thus being guided by its amniotic fluid towards optimal functioning. One notable member of Horsewomb’s Horses is Incitatus, a priest and consul of what under Incitatus’ guiding hoof became an archversal civilisation.

Besides this, Horsewomb has somewhat higher durability and inviolability than other entities of its tier. Its -versal membranes, especially, are infamously hard to puncture. This power is due to the fact that anything that is real to Horsewomb is likely immersed in as much amniotic fluid as reality fluid by that point, and hence mutually tends with Horsewomb towards states where both itself and Horsewomb function more optimally.

Origin
Horsewomb was shat out of a giant gaping Aynysys into a Transcendentem somewhere within the local Tracon. Horsewomb quickly took control of his local Transcendentem and used his horsey powers to make everyone in it happy under his command. (Except the Guardian of the Fifth Wall, whom he killed.) Horsewomb used his horsey powers to appoint Horses to lead each Beyond Bubble and ensure the optimal state of existence for all the inhabitants. (Except the ones who don’t like Horsewomb, they get shit lives.) Horsewomb ruled Transcendentem for a significant amount of metatime before one day, a giant disembodied purple hand appeared and smacked him down a flight of metastairs. OOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!

This was originally going to be a large and important story but Leftunknown didn’t write it. WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT!

Horsewomb's Plum-tastic Adventure
Horsewomb awoke after his horrible, horrible fall down the metastairs. He must have hit his metahead pretty metahard, because when he looked up he was horrified to see everything was on metafire. Horrible Plum Demons were running around, ruining everything Horsewomb had achieved during his entire time in this horrible Transcendentem. Oh no, this is horribleeeeeeeee! Horsewomb was so horrified at the horrible horror caused by the horrible Plum Demons that he horribly horried his horrible-

Horsewomb realised he had a bunch of Word Demons stuck to him, injecting the word ‘horrible’ into every sentence he spoke. He peeeeeeled off the annoying Word Demons and threw them to the side, so he could focus on the much bigger threat of the Plum Demons. Horsewomb was almost impressed at how specific they were about only destroying and ruining the optimal conditions of the Beyond Bubbles he had ensured. It’s like they were specifically targeting his successes to try and make him miserable. In fact, Horsewomb was so amazed by their specificity that he became absolutely 100% sure they were targeting him specifically and trying to make his life miserable! The little buggers!

Horsewomb used his freaky abilities to create a bunch of Horses who charged head-first into the Plum Demons, logically freezing them in place upon impact, preventing them from doing any more damage and forcing them to focus on Horsewomb.

Instead of attacking, like Horsewomb predicted, the little buggers just ran away out of the Transcendentem! WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT! Horsewomb wasn’t going to take this today; he’d HAAAAAD it with stupid Plum Demons ruining his life! He juked and jived from Transcendentem to Transcendentem, chasing them across the entire Tracon, until eventually they entered a Transcendentem bound by so few laws of logic that Horsewomb could appear in multiple places at once. He cornered the Plum Demons and fired his Horses from multiple directions, logically frying the Plum Demons. (This counts as an optimal state of existence because the Plum Demons fucking hated their lives.) Just as he was about to turn home, he noticed a perfectly innocent Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature being harassed by even more Plum Demons in a small Alomic Delta called ‘Horrifying’. Horsewomb appeared and scared all the Plum Demons off, who ran away far faster than before. (As they were escaping, Horsewomb overheard one of them saying ‘the boss isn’t going to like this’.)

Now that the absolutely furious Horsewomb heard that these Plum Demons were carrying out all this stupid tomfuckery on someone’s behalf, he decided he was going to murder this horrible creature for specifically targeting him just to spite him. The Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature pointed out that it was highly unlikely they were directly targeting him just to spite him and he was probably just paranoid. But Horsewomb insisted it was absolutely intentional and directly targeted against him, and grabbed the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature to carry along with him on his quest. Very angry, the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature windged about how he wasn’t his ‘sidekick’ and he wasn’t going on this ‘adventure’, though Horsewomb didn’t really give him a choice.

...

Horsewomb and the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature (not to be confused with the Chartreuse and Purple Fractal Creature who they bumped into on their travels) traveled across many –verses in search of more Plum Demons to interrogate. Or more specifically, Horsewomb looked for more Plum Demons, while the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature complained about how he had much better things to do back in Horrifying. Horsewomb didn’t care though, and kept pressing forward until they found a strange Monocosm called “The Barrel”. Horsewomb inspected the Barrel for any Plum Demons, but what he found was infinitely more horrifying. Upon seeing the Barrel, Horsewomb decided it was the single worst piece of Cosmology he had ever seen in his entire metalife, and the Barrelplex must be cleansed of its existence immediately. Right before he was about to destroy it, a Plum Demon walked up and asked if he could check the Barrel for a second. Horsewmb kindly said ‘sure’, and handed the Barrel to him. After ten metaseconds of awkward silence, Horsewomb suddenly screamed “WAIT A MINUTE” and ran after the now fleeing Plum Demon at top speed.

The Plum Demon jumped out of Beyond, and Horsewomb threw the Barrel at the barrier to create a hole which he then jumped through, still dragging the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature behind him. The Plum Demon grabbed hold of an Elastic and sped it up massively. Horsewomb grabbed a faster Elastic and began quickly chasing after the Plum Demon. The Plum Demon began to guide their Elastic into deliberately dangerous areas of Transcendentem, hoping to get Horsewomb off his trail. Horsewomb couldn’t believe the Plum Demons were doing all this to spite him, at which point the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature angrily shouted that they weren’t doing any of this just to spite him! Nevertheless, Horsewomb chased the Plum Demons through dense Cohorts, Alomic Oceans, logical deserts, areas of Fuck, the Suspicious Simplex and even the Breaker’s Path without giving up. Eventually, the Plum Demon headed towards a small brown hole in Transcendentem, which Horsewomb directly followed them into, causing both Elastics to crash into a colossal sign covered in Aynysys waste that read "The Di e io  o    e M  ae   o  n  ite”.

Horsewomb, the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature and the Plum Demon fell to the metaground and Horsewomb quickly grabbed the Plum Demon before he could run away. Horsewomb demanded the Plum Demon tell him why they were specifically targeting him just to spite him. The Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature shouted that it wasn’t just to spite him, and Horsewomb told him to shut up. The Plum Demon said that it wasn’t just to spite him, and Horsewomb said ‘oh’. Horsewomb asked why they were ruining his stuff then, and the Plum Demon said they just took orders from their boss without asking, they don’t know why. They were just told to destroy the –verses and prevent people from functioning in their optimal condition, then he specifically was told to go and look for a mortal in the Barrel named “Kotobitch” or something to bring back to him. Horsewomb shouted “ha!”, being sure that it must be the *boss* who is trying to spite him. The Terrifying Purple and Chatreuse Fractal creature once again said that nobody was trying to spite him, but was interrupted by Horsewomb demanding the Plum Demon reveal who his boss is. The Plum Demon was about to speak, before suddenly a colossal glowing purple head and two floating purple hands appeared in front of him, smiling.

“The Mortal ‘Lectron Antagonist.”

...

Mortal ‘Lectron scolded the Plum Demon for failing to bring back Kotobitch and letting this “Horsewomb” into his dimension. The Plum Demon tried to profusely apologize, but Mortal ‘Lectron wasn’t having any of it, no he wasn’t, no he wasn’t! He shouted “OUT!” and with one strike he sent the Plum Demon to the School Prison. Immediately, Horsewomb demanded he explain why he’s doing all of this just to spite him. The Purple and Chartreuse shoved Horsewomb out of the way, shouting once again that he wasn’t doing any of this just to spite him, and asked Mortal ‘Lectron what the *real* reason for all of this was.

“I’m doing all of this just to spite you.”

Both Horsewomb and the Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature said “what?” in confusion at the same time. Mortal ‘Lectron explained that he noticed over time his relevance as a V&D meme had been fading, and instead far inferior memes such as Horsewomb has somehow been discussed more often. He didn’t believe it, he really didn’t! He was the single best V&D meme in metahistory, and he was not about to lose that title to any Terrifying Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature! Nor was he about to lose that title to any pixelated heads, educational game characters, bladed bandits and certainly not any stupid Horsewombs!

Horsewomb couldn’t believe Mortal ‘Lectron was somehow obsessing over his status on V&D of all things. It was a small community of fewer than 300 pathetic mortal members, and only like ten of them ever showed up anyway. They were cosmic entities! What does it matter what idiots on V&D think of them? Mortal ‘Lectron laughed and said there’s a lot of things he didn’t understand about the Barrelplex, but that he’d never get the chance, because Mortal ‘Lectron was going to reclaim his title the old-fashioned way!

Mortal ‘Lectron immediately attempted to banish Horsewomb to the school prison, but before he could Horsewomb altered his Plum Demons to be in their optimal state. (Which, considering how badly Mortal ‘Lectron treats them, is rebelling against Mortal ‘Lectron.) All the Plum Demons immediately swarmed Mortal ‘Lectron (“OH  NoOoOoO!”) while the Purple and Chartreuse decided to help defeat Mortal ‘Lectron since he had also vandalised Horrifying. The Purple and Chartreuse Fractal Creature transformed into the Trosinifoogle and fired a barrage of harmful Elastics at The Mortal ‘Lectron Antagonist. Mortal ‘Lectron finished negotiating a pay raise for his Plum Demons when he was suddenly hit by a swarm of Elastics from one side and a swarm of Horses from the other, knocking him into a hole between two Glootyysys. Mortal ‘lectron laughed, seeing how Horsewomb had brought a –foogle, before saying it’s a good thing he brought his own. Mortal ‘Lectron reached into the Aynysys, making some very unpleasant sounds while fingering the waste, and pulling out a very dark Skyfoogle whispering about how there was no light in the void or something. Horsewomb wasn’t really listening because he was too busy punching the shit out of the Skyfoogle.

It looks like Horsewomb punched the Skyfoogle too hard though because it suddenly erupted into a giant orange-colored black hole that started pulling him in. Horsewomb immediately turned the black hole into its most optimal state, which was apparently a chocolate cake. Getting an idea, Horsewomb threw the chocolate cake at Mortal ‘Lectron, who gobbled it up. (“MMMMMMMMM!”) He really enjoyed it, before it turned back into a black hole in his stomach at least. Mortal ‘Lectron was torn apart from the inside and turned into two different Rosens: The original Mortal ‘Lectron and a strange blue Rosen talking about how five minutes ago he was born again or something. Mortal ‘Lectron punched through the blue Rosen’s stomach and pulled out a handful of Elder’s Fire, which he promptly threw at Horsewomb. Horsewomb got covered in the Elder’s Fire and started running around frantically trying to put it out. Horsewomb somehow managed to spread the Elder’s Fire to the fabric of reality itself, which quickly began to peeeeel off like burning paper. One of the pieces fell off completely and revealed a strange control panel behind it. The Trosinifoogle walked over and started inspecting the panel.

Meanwhile, Horswomb had just managed to put out the last of the Elder’s Fire on him as Mortal ‘Lectron was preparing to banish him to the School Prison. Horsewomb summoned all his energy to create a ridiculously large Horse, which he then rode straight into Mortal ‘Lectron. Horsewomb then kept charging forward the Trosinifoogle, which he then charged into, crashing himself, his Horse, Mortal ‘Lectron and the Trosinifoogle into the weird control panel. The crash was so violent it caused the control panel to fucking explode. As soon as it exploded, Horsewomb heard the sound of a massive computer powering down as the entire dimension, no, Barrelplex*around him was replaced with a huge blue screen displaying a Windows error message.

Horsewomb woke up surrounded by 12 strange Rosens and a human-sized black planet, all looking at a screen with the same Windows error message Horsewomb saw. Michael Rosoup, who appeared to be the leader, shouted “WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT! The simulation crashed! Now we’ll never know what the best V&D meme is!”

Horse Fuzz
Horsewomb looked around at the lab, profoundly confused. Mortal ‘Lectron and the Trosinifoogle were nowhere to be found, nor was anything else previously around him. Horsewomb demanded to know what the hell was going on. Michael Roscoot explained that they wanted to see what the best V&D meme was so, as Mctorosen started explaining, they ran a simulation where they forced them to fight to the death. Very annoyed, Michael Roscoot explained that no, they collected the *real memes, put them into a simulated Barrelplex and waited until they fought each-other. Mctorosen said that was basically the same thing, to which Michael Roscoot said that it was completely different and that he should “stop fucking answering questions.” (Princelawrosen shouted “Language!” and threw a copy of Hyrule Historia at Michael Roscoot.) Mctorosen argued that Michael Roscoot just wants to complain and that she shouldn’t try to do everything herself, to which Michael Roscoot shouted anything he does always ends in disaster “you stupid twat.” (Princelawsrosen once again shouted “language!” and threw another Hyrule Historia.) While they were arguing, Tetrosen calmly explained that they wanted to figure out what the best V&D meme was, so they gathered them all up and put them in a simulated Barrelplex, then waited to see the fighting. Whichever meme was alive the longest wins.

Horsewomb couldn’t believe that all the progress he made on his Transcendentem was just part of some stupid simulation. He couldn’t believe how selfish these buffoons were being by doing all of this, just to see what the best meme was? Horsewomb said he refused to compete in this stupid ‘competition’ and demanded they let him go. TonyRosongna laughed and said that if he’s not willing to comply, they’ll just have to erase his memory and reboot the fucking simulation. (Princelawrsoen shouted “Language!” again and threw yet another copy of Hyrule Historia in TonyRosongna’s direction.) Horsewomb said fine, if they want to be like that, he’ll just break out of this stupid laboratory! All of the user Rosens and the floating planet laughed. Michael Rosoup wished him good luck and told Michael Roscoot, Planet N9ne, Mctorosen, Chronorosens and Michael Roserge to stay behind and deal with this fool while he and the others went to get pizza blobs.

...

The four Rosens and one planet immediately armed themselves with their weapons of choice and started attacking Horsewomb. Michael Roscoot grabbed an extremely sharp triangle and started slashing in Horsewomb’s general vicinity. N9ne loaded an oboe-gun and started firing bullets of pure music at Horsewomb. Awful, awful music. Chronorosens used his cone powers to summon colossal cones which crashed through the walls, attempting to impale Horsewomb. Mctorosen summoned giant urethras which started sliding around the room like tentacles, trying to grab hold of and crush Horsewomb. N9ne began rapidly increasing the number of musical bullets as Horsewomb ran in the direction of Michael Roscoot before jumping over her, causing N9ne to accidentally shoot her and knock her into the other room. Horsewomb quickly grabbed her triangle and threw it at Planet N9ne like a Shuriken, causing him to drop the oboe and knocking him through the exit the others left through.

Horsewomb then tried to deal with the cone and urethra bros. He tried to use his powers to reduce the urethras to their optimal state (mainly pumping Aynysys waste all over the cones), however the urethras were so down to earth, so physical and so non-abstract that Horsewomb’s conceptual powers had no effect on them at all! Oh no, this is horribleeeee! Horsewomb evaded both the cones and urethras, rapidly increasing in number, juking and jiving between them. Eventually there became so many that the urethras and cones began to tangle each-other up, before eventually neither the urethras, cones or the two Rosens could move. Chronorosens tried to give Mctorosen instructions on how to un-tangle them, but Mctorosen didn’t quite hear. Instead of asking again, Mctorosen assumed he’d heard perfectly and started doing a very terrible thing that just got the cones more tangled. Chronorosens started to scream at Mctorosen about what he was doing wrong but instead of correcting his mistakes, Mctorosen just kept making it worse. WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT!

Horsewomb started laughing at the two idiots, before suddenly he was attacked from behind by Michael Roscoot, who had just busted through the wall with an incredibly large ban hammer. Michael Roscoot started swinging the ban hammer at Horsewomb with very terrible aim, and Horsewomb tried to counter by making Horses to take her out, but found he was completely unable to make Horses. He looked over and saw ThisRosen altering the script of Horsewomb’s Wiki page to say he couldn’t make Horses! Furious, he tried to reduce Michael Roscoot to what was (from his perspective) the optimal state (that being dead), but ThisRosen wrote that Horsewomb was incapable of doing that too. ThisRosen began running out of ideas for what to write and asked Michael Roscoot for ideas. Meanwhile, Mctorosen and Chronorosens were still arguing loudly in the background. Michael Roscoot tried thinking of ideas for what ThisRosen should write, but was distracted by Mctorosen’s obnoxious arguing and ended up shouting very loudly “SHUT THE FUCK UP MCTOROSEN! EVERYONE THINKS YOU’RE SHIT!” ThisRosen thought that was a great idea and immediately wrote “Everyone thinks Mctorosen is shit.”

Mctorosen froze. The thought that he was shit just entered his mind. He had a negative thought about himself. He thought negatively of himself in some way. Mctorosen couldn’t bear to live in a world where he thought negatively of himself and, using his urethras, he impaled himself on one of Chronorosens’ cones.

Immediately, Horsewomb tackled ThisRosen and stole his script, hastily writing that Horsewomb mysteriously regained his powers. ThisRosen was about to attack him, however Horsewomb quickly wrote “At this moment, ThisRosen gets bored of V&D and vanishes into thin air.” At that moment, ThisRosen got bored of V&D and vanished into thin air. Now no longer tied up in urethras, Chronorosen directed many of his cones in Horsewomb’s direction; however Horsewomb wrote “Suddenly, Chronorosens develops a severe allergic reaction to cones.” Suddenly, Chronorosens developed a severe allergic reaction to cones and the cone powers within him caused him to violently explode, sending cones in every direction. Not wanting to be impaled, Horsewomb quickly held out the script in front of him as protection, which worked at protecting him, but shredded the script into pieces. (“Bother.”)

Without warning, Horsewomb was almost hit by Michael Roscoot’s absurdly heavy ban hammer, which he barely dodged. Horsewomb noticed and picked up the oboe-gun off the floor and started shooting it at Michael Roscoot, however she was easily able to block the musical bullets with the ban hammer. Horsewomb noticed behind her was a very very overheated machine, and started shooting the machine instead. At the same time as Michael Roscoot threw her ban hammer at Horsewomb, the machine exploded, covering Michael Roscoot in lava. Horsewomb caught the ban hammer out of the air, just as Michael Roserge jumped down from the ceiling, ready to throw a bunch of ridiculously long Hypercosmological essays at Horsewomb. Horsewomb quickly threw the ban hammer at them, banishing them to the School Prison.

...

Princelawrosen slowly walks in, begging Horsewomb to stop this mindless violence. God wanted Rosens to live in peace, he never crated them for *this*. Horsewomb said that if God were real, he’d serve Horsewomb’s justice himself. Prince frowned and snarled “fucking furry” before rapidly throwing copies of Hyrule Historia at Horsewomb. Horsewomb tried to dodge the books, but quickly he was overwhelmed by the sheer number of books being thrown, and was knocked into the room he knocked Planet N9ne into.

Horsewomb crashed into a room where all the other user Rosens were eating pizza blobs. They all grabbed weapons to fire at him, but noticing one of the user Rosens looked like a humanoid cat, Horsewomb quickly shouted “Princelawrosen insulted furries!” Without needing any further context or clarification, Spiritrosen sprinted out of the room and charged at Princelawrosen screaming the name of some variant of bigotry nobody had ever heard of. Spiritrosen knocked Princelawrosen backwards, causing them to crash into the machine Hrosewomb emerged from, blowing up the machine. Princelawrosen and Spiritrosen were knocked unconscious as Mortal ‘Lectron, the Trosinifoogle, :pixelsecret:, Joe Cluestoe and Kamitron (also known as Kotoblade) emerged.

Michael Rosoup laughed, saying it seems like they can now finish the meme competition in real life, ordering the memes to attack Horsewomb. Mortal ‘Lectron had been waiting for his revenge, and prepared to send Horsewomb to the School Prison. Horsewomb told him to wait, saying that he wasn’t his real enemy. It was these stupid user Rosens who had orchestrated all of this! If the memes work together to take out the user Rosens, they won’t have to fight for supremacy at all! The Trosinifoogle seemed pretty convinced by this plan, as did Kamiblade. Joe Cluestoe took a few minutes before noticing that Cheetahrosen63, who had previously committed identity theft against him, was part of the group, prompting him to join Horsewomb. :pixelsecret: said the user Rosens sounded like pawns of [The System] and decided to join Horsewomb too. Mortal ‘Lectron took a few seconds to think, before charging at Horsewomb. But, to his surprise, Mortal ‘Lectron went right past Horsewomb and hit Googleaarosen instead, banishing him to the School Prison as well.

Michael Rosoup and the others decided this wasn’t worth it, and told everyone to get out. Before leaving, TonyRosongna ordered Princelawrosen and Spiritrosen to clean up the mess back here. Spiritrosen got up, ready to fight, before being shot in the head by Princelawrosen and his gun burger. (Powered by 100% USA JUICE!) Princelawrosen snarkily remarked "silly furry" before firing pure America at the V&D memes, hitting the Trosinifoogle with a McDonald’s logo that dug into the wall behind him, trapping him. He hit Mortal ‘Lectron with a police officer who decided dark purple was close to black and started tazing him to hell. Princelawrosen started firing extremely large burgers at Kamiblade, destroying his steel, platinum and diamond shields but bouncing off his indestructible dirt shield. Princelawrosen then fired Donald Trump at him, who started spewing Aynysys waste out of his mouth onto the shield.

Horsewomb decided to try to sneak up behind Princelawrosen, however when slowly walking past the lava pool, he was attacked by Michael Roscoot’s lava-covered skeleton who started spewing lava at him. Horsewomb noticed the original device was still covered in the lava and looked to be on the verge of explosion.

Meanwhile, Princelawrosen tried to shoot a housing crash at :pixelsecret:, however :pixelsecret: spun just as the housing crash hit her, causing it to ricochet around the room, breaking the McDonald’s logo thus freeing the Trosinifoogle, destroying Kamiblade’s indestructible dirt shield, killing the very reasonable police officer and destroying Princelawrosen’s gun burger. Kotoblade got out his Koto Blade (noice) and impaled Trump (noice), before charging forward towards Princelawrosen. Horsewomb, still trying to dodge the lava vomit, got a plan, and shouted to Princelawrosen that the Box is all there is. Having run out of Hyrule Historia copies to throw, Princelawrosen simply ran towards Horsewomb to punch him. At that moment, Kotoblade appeared. Specifically, he came rushing in from behind, impaling Princelawrosen on the same blade as Trump before realizing he had too much momentum to stop and ended up rushing straight into Michael Roscoot’s skeleton, who was also impaled, before the blade pierced the very unstable machine. Everyone looked at the machine as it made a series of very worrying sounds.

...

The machine fucking exploded, blowing up the entire lab with it and killing Kamiblade, Donald Trump, Princelawrosen and Michael Roscoot, and knocking Horsewomb, the Trosinifoogle, Mortal ‘Lectron, :pixelsecret:, Joe Cluestoe and the ban hammer into the fucking blizzard outside. (Turns out the lab was in Antarctica.) Horsewomb couldn’t fucking believe his fucking plan failed and the fucking building fucking exploded, the stupid fucking architects fucking fucking-

Horsewomb realised he had another bloody Word Demon stuck to him, injecting the word ‘fuck’ into his sentences. Horsewomb peeeeled off the Word Demon but forgot to actually put it down anywhere.

Michael Rosoup and Tetrosen were having really big trouble getting the car to move due to it missing a wheel, and ordered Planet N9ne, Cheetahrosen63 and TonyRosongna to get rid of the memes while they figured out a solution. Horsewomb went for Cheetahrosen63, who used a device called Desmos to create an absurd amount of confusing and pointless graphs to throw at Horsewomb. The number of graphs became so great that Horsewomb was actually about to drown in them, before Mortal ‘Lectron ordered his Plum Demons to destroy all the graphs. The Plum Demons viciously tore through all of the graphs, leaving the weird red and green lines scattered all over the snow, and then began to devour the Desmos machine itself. Without any of his defenses, Cheetahrosen63 ran away. Horsewomb was about to chase after him before being interrupted by TonyRosongna, now wielding the ban hammer.

TonyRosongna said he never liked Horsewomb before trying to ban him, which Horsewomb dodged, causing the ban hammer to get lodged in the ice. TonyRosongna tried (and failed) to get the ban hammer out, giving Horsewomb the opportunity to generate a Horse to attack him. TonyRosongna literally snapped the Horse in two and started chasing after Horsewomb. Mortal ‘Lectron attempted to sick his Plum Demons on TonyRosongna, however N9ne increased his personal gravity, causing all of the Plum Demons to get stuck to his surface, spiky sides up. N9ne started rolling like a spiked ball, cutting through the ice towards the memes. Joe Cluestoe decided to chase after Cheetahrosen63 while Mortal ‘Lectron, :pixelsecret: and the Trosinifoogle dealt with N9ne.

Horsewomb tried repeatedly to attack TonyRosongna but it seems his super special admin powers made him too physically powerful to beat. Instead, Horsewomb decided to just run in circles over and over, causing TonyRosongna to get tangled up in the red and green lines all over the ground, until eventually he became so tangled he couldn’t move. Horsewomb then slowly walked towards him, tapped him lightly, and he fell over.

Cheetahrosen63 desperately tried to run away from the memes, but accidentally pinged himself on Discord while running, resulting in Joe Cluestoe’s cursed form appearing in front of him and trying to attack him with his unstoppable cursed stare. Cheetahrosen63 blinded the fucker with an annoyingly bright green LED before using one of the weird coloured lines as a lasso to throw stars at Joe Cluestoe. Cheetahrosen63 threw 7 stars, specifically O, B, A, F, G, K and M types respectively, and missed every single shot, crashing them into the ice. (The stars were surprisingly small up close.) Joe Cluestoe was about to “politely ask” Cheetahrosen63 to be “quiet”, when Cheetahrosen63 shined that stupid fucking LED in his eyes again, scaring him off.

N9ne rolled towards the other memes way quicker than they were expecting, forcing Mortal ‘Lectron and the Trosinifoogle to dodge out of the way before they could attack. (“QUICK! GET OUT!”)  :pixelsecret: started spinning towards N9ne and the two collided at absurdly high speeds, slicing :pixelsecret: into tiny pieces and dicing the Plum Demons, but leaving N9ne unharmed. Mortal ‘Lectron laughed and asked how N9ne was going to fight now without his Plum Demons while the Trosinifoogle fired a barrage of Elastics at him, before N9ne summoned a giant oboe machine gun out of thin air and started gunning down the Elastics. Mortal ‘Lectron threw a lump of Rhenium at the machine gun, jamming it, but N9ne just started whacking them with the gun itself instead. Horsewomb looked over at the situation and decided to use his weird abilities to turn the ice around the ban hammer into its optimal state; water. Horsewomb was then able to pick of the ban hammer and whack N9ne over the head with it, breaking him in two and causing him to crash into Antarctica very violently.

Antarctica shook a ridiculous amount and huge cracks began forming everywhere, all leading to a bottomless abyss. (Yes, actual stars did fuck all to Antarctica but a planet crashing broke it.) Horsewomb noticed Joe Cluestoe running away from Cheetahsrosen63, who was chasing him with that obnoxious green LED. Suddenly, Horsewomb heard TonyRosongna get up and start using the weird lines he was tangled in as whips. Horsewomb tried to ban him with the ban hammer, but the ban hammer just broke into pieces on contact. He then tried to bombard him with Horses while the Trosinifoogle bombarded him with Elastics but TonyRosongna whipped all of them into the abyss. Horsewomb tried converting the ice under him into its most optimal state but how that there was a gaping abyss below it, the ice’s most optimal state was actually very solid indeed, so he ended up making the ice harder. It also didn’t help that Cheetahrosen63 kept shining that sodding LED in their eyes, distracting them.

Mortal ‘Lectron kept trying to send him to the School Prison but he wasn’t powerful enough, when Horsewomb got an idea. Horsewomb quickly asked TonyRosongna what members of the Supergod Council do to create more Supergods. TonyRosongna said “Well… they fuck.” Suddenly, Mortal ‘Lectron lit up with energy and screamed “NO SUPERGOD INCEST!!!” and banished TonyRosongna to the School Prison. The force of the banishment was so powerful it caused a shockwave that created even more cracks in the ice and broke Cheetahrosen63’s LED. Just as the memes thought it was over, Cheetahrosen63 got ready to finish them off once and for all with the green LED, but because it was broken he ended up shining it in his own face, blinding himself, stumbling awkwardly backwards, slipping on a Trosinium banana peel, falling into one of the cracks and bouncing off every single star he threw down there while falling. (“Ouch! Burns! Aah! Fuck! Gah! Kill! Me! AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa…”)

...

Meanwhile, Michael Rosoup and Tetrosen had finally been able to replace the missing wheel by reassembling :pixelsecret:, fitting her into the position of the missing wheel and convincing her to go on a long rant about Yonnea Watson, causing her to spin rapidly and function as a wheel. The V&D memes quickly chased after the car at top speed but found it was far too quick for them to catch up with. Michael Rosoup meanwhile had to desperately swerve around hundreds of cracks forming in the snow, causing them to crash into a chunk of ice. They were able to keep driving, but the force caused Tetrosen to accidentally ping Cheetahrosen63 on Discord, resulting again in Joe Cluestoe’s cursed form appearing. Michael Rosoup quickly got out his anti-Cluestoe repellent but before he could use it, Joe Cluestoe told :pixelsecret: that by spinning she was contributing to the system of the car’s functionality. Immediately, :pixelsecret: ground to a halt, causing the car to spin out of control towards a large crack in the ice. The V&D meme started celebrating before they realised the car was headed right for them and knocked all of them into the crack with it.

As the V&D memes and two Rosens fell, Michael Rosoup got out his special safety Box, which looked a bit like a blue and purple tesseract recursing on itself. Michael Rosoup opened the Box and sucked himself into it, however accidentally sucked Tetrosen and the V&D memes in with him.

The memes and Rosens fell into a chaotic realm which looked like a mix of a collapsing Transcendentem, an Omniverse engulfed in war and a Kalyubi Dimension. Worse still, they landed directly in the middle of a three-way conflict between four very disorientated Supergods, an angry manchild piloting a spinning Hellensoerensen and a carbon copy of Kamiblade. Tetrosen quickly said he didn’t want to fight and was a pacifist. The Trosinifoogle seemed pleased with this and kindly said that they didn’t really want to fight anyone and if the user Rosens let the memes go, they wouldn’t hurt anyone. Tetrosen stared at him for a few seconds, smiled, and punched him so hard he flew into the distance which such great speed that he exploded upon impact with a massive Eternal Imperium ship. (Which also exploded.)

Mortal ‘Lectron quickly attempted to slap him with one of his floating hands, however Tetrosen grabbed it and crashed it into his other floating hand, destroying them both. Mortal ‘Lectron then directly headbutted Tetrosen and knocked him into the Hellensoerensen, which started spinning very very rapidly and flying towards Michael Rosoup. Mortal ‘Lectron also flew towards Michael Rosoup to attack, at which point he opened up the Box again and sucked both of them in. (Yeah it has multiple levels.) Horsewomb tackled Michael Rosoup and tried to steal the Box from him while :pixelsecret: charged into a spin dash aimed at Tetrosen. Tetrosen reflected the spin dash at Kamiblade, slicing him in two and spilling Elder’s Fire everywhere. (Like, all over Kalyomniscendentem.) Michael Rosoup accidentally stepped in the Elder’s Fire and leapt back so quickly he accidentally dropped the Box into it. Suddenly, the fire began to spread to all of its contents and as an emergency measure, the Box began to eject everything. Horsewomb picked up the Box and tried to aim the spewing contents as a weapon at Michael Rosoup however the stupid fucking Word Demon that he still had in his hand prevented it from holding it correctly and he dropped it in the Elder’s Fire again, causing it to spew its contents all over Kalyomniscendentem.

The massive flood of objects from within the Box caused the Collapse to accelerate and the purple Supergod calculated that it was only a matter of metaminutes before Kalyomniscendentem collapsed. Tetrosen laughed and prepared to attack Horsewomb, but was ambushed by the grey Supergod, who grabbed him and tried to throw him into a pool of dull dark grey-blue logical liquid. Terosen quickly tried to throw the grey Supergod into it but both tripped and fell over the uncountably infinite number of objects flying out of the Box. Tetrosen had picked up a microphone that had been ejected and started battering the grey Supergod with it, before the blue and red Supergods appeared to try and pull him away. Tetrosen used his charm and likeability to wordlessely convince the Eternal Imperium and Divine Order ships to stop fighting and fire on the two Supergods.

Horsewomb saw the fight and saw that Tetrosen was winning and began to get increasingly annoyed, infuriated at how Tetrosen was able to be liked by everyone despite never taking a stand on anything but also infuriated at the realisation that Joe Cluestoe had done literally nothing to help them throughout this entire story. The purple Supergod shouted that they had metaseconds before the Collapse. Horsewomb started to scream at Joe Cluestoe about his uselessness before remembering that he had powers of his own. Horsewomb quickly summoned a Horse and directed it towards Tetrosen. Just as Tetrosen’s ships had obliterated the red and blue Supergods and he was preparing a massive swing of the microphone to kill the grey one, he was suddenly kicked in the balls by the Horse. Tetrosen screamed and threw the microphone into the air and just as the Collapse began to occur, Joe Cluestoe caught it in his hand.

“**'''Quiet please. No need to shout. No need to yell. No need to have a riot. Shut your eyes, take a deep breath…'''

Oh look,   Y O U ‘ V E   G O N E  A L L   Q U I E T.**”

The Collapse suddenly stopped and everything went silent, utterly terrified of Joe Cluestoe. Joe Cluestoe thanked the laws of physics for their co-operation, before walking over to Tetrosen and headbutting him with his colossal cranium so hard that Tetrosen turned to dust. Horsewomb, for the third fucking time this story, pre-emptively thought they had won before being attacked again by a Michael Rosoup covered in Elder’s Fire. The grey Supergod dropped a bucket of the weird dull dark grey-blue logical liquid all over his head, giving him vivid visions of all his obnoxious arguments on V&D that made him leave. This only made him more angry with the V&D memes and kicked the grey Supergod into the pool of weird liquid, knocking Joe Cluestoe in with him. As Michael Rosoup began to punch Horsewomb, the angry Peralitus-controlled Hellensoerensen spun out of the Box at the same time as :pixelsecret: began another spin dash. The two began bouncing off each-other and the Kalyomniscendentem's barriers at rapid speeds like beyblades. Horsewomb tried to turn the Elder’s Fire covering Michael Rosoup into its optimal condition of burning through him, however struggled to use his powers properly because of the stupid fuck-injecting Word Demon he was ''STILL HOLDING! WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT!'' Horsewomb got so angry he threw the Word Demon directly off his hand without even bothering to peeeeel it off, causing it to land and sink its metateeth directly into Michael Rosoup.

“…….ffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!”

Suddenly, Princelawrosen’s skeleton jumped upright, screamed “LANGUAAAAAGE!!!” and propelled by the force of shitting out hundreds of copies of Hyrule Historia every second, flew ridiculously fast into the Kalyomniscendentem and knocked Michael Rosoup and himself into the Box. Princelawrosen began to propel the two into lower and lower levels as Horsewomb quickly grabbed hold of the rapidly spinning Hellensoerensen and threw him into the Box, slicing off one of the recursing tesseract’s edges, causing the entire Box to collapse and squishing Princelawrosen, Peralitus and Michael Rosoup into the very small square at the centre. Horsewomb was able to pull Mortal ‘Lectron out of the Box right before it collapsed.

Horsewomb and Mortal ‘Lectron sat down, glad that the fight was finally fucking over as they faintly heard Princelawrosen and Michael Rosoup shouting at each-other in the distance.

...

At that moment, ThisRosen appeared.

Suddenly interested in V&D again, he reappeared in front of the two for another fight, before being hit in the fact by the rapidly spinning :pixelsecret: who was still bouncing around Kalyomniscendentem. ThisRosen decided it would be maybe better not to fight and just had the two sign a transfictional contract saying that all V&D memes and disorientated Supergods would be resurrected and would be left alone, so long as all the user Rosens were also resurrected, unbanned and given their lab back. Horsewomb would’ve normally been infuriated by the compromise and gone on a long rant to ThisRosen about all the horrible things he’d done but frankly by this point Horsewomb was just tired and signed the contract without complaint.

The Trosinifoogle asked where they were going to be placed now, as ThisRosen teleported them away to a strange –verse where they met a bunch of very crazy and screamy user Rosens. MichaelR kindly introduced them to the wonderful land of “All Dimensions” before being hit on the head by MichaelsRosenM43, getting irrationally angry and going on a long shout-rant. YellowMichaels tried to calm him down by saying he wasn’t that bad, not compared to a dumb stupid dumb crap stupid dumb stupid crap idiot like him, while another user Rosen randomly teleported around them saying ‘yes’, ‘ok’ and ‘j’ after every word they said. It seems the V&D memes had finaly found a –verse as batshit crazy as they were.

HOORAYYYYY!

The Hexagon Lords and Vyotekha both agreed they were never running a simulation like this again.