The Mortal 'Lectron Article.
Mortal 'Lectron's Bathroom Fiasco
When he was Sixty Five, he had really big trouble in the bathroom. All he had for breakfast was a huge bagel, but not long after he ran and ran and he sat down on his toilet to take a dump. hehheyheh...heneeheyh... And he sat there, waiting for the poop to come out, but it was absolutely stuck in his anus. *facepalm* Anyway, after a few hours of that he said, "This is a big waste of my time," and he got the toilet plunger. He stood up and stuck it onto his butt, and he started pumping away like mad, and he tried and he tried to get that crap out. AH! ah! AH! AH! It hurted but he's not taking no for an answer. aAaAAAAaaaaAAA! Then, he noticed the plunger was stuck to his bum. *facepalm* *facepalm* Great, so now he got the Mortal 'Lectron Lube™. Ah it was lovely. (No, that's NOT what he used the lube for)
Anyway, he took the Lube™ and he rubbed it on his ass and the plunger popped right off him, *click* wonderful. And then, he noticed there was a great big chunk of poop stuck to the plunger. *facepalm x3* He smelled it; mmm, noice. Anyway, he thought, "I'll get toilet paper." He tried to get the huge sloppy poop off the plunger, but it was sticky and his fingers went right through the toilet paper. So now, he's got the Mortal 'Lectron Shite™ all over his knuckles. Meanwhile, his mum was at the bathroom door, his mum called out, "HelLoOo, is everything good?" He said, "Oh uhh, yeah great, everything's fantastic." Then, she asked, "Do you want an apple?" "Mum, why the fuck would I want an apple, will you go away?!" "Okay Mortal, Okay..." So he tried to wash off the plunger in the sink, but his doo-doo was too sticky, and it clogged the sink. *facepalm x8* He was an idiot. Meanwhile, he's got little dripples of poop coming out his butt all over the floor, so he started sliding on the shitty flooOororOr. Slam, kapoom, OWWW! He laid there on the floor with soggy lumps of doo-doo all over his hair and face, "OhHh nO ThIs is hOrRibLe!"
"Perhaps," he thought when he got up this morning, "I won't have to put my face in a chunk of shit, but NOOO, why should I get a break?" Anyway, he start taking off all his clothes and he gets in the shower and he's just washing up. Then, suddenly mum says, "Right Mortal, that's enough, I'm coming in." Oh nOooOoo! Now he was really fucked. She opens the door and then that really does it. "WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?! Mortal, I don't believe it, I really don't, do we take a dirty shit in the sink and fiddle-diddle with the toilet plunger at 9:30? No no we don't, No no we don't, and why is your poop everywhere but the toilet?" "Ah! Mum, just wait a sec, I can explain, I was not fiddle-diddling anything." His mum said, "You can't fool me, why do you have Lube™?" *slow facepalm* Shit. He'd never felt quite so horrible in all his life.
So that was that, he never saw his mum again.
Later that day his poop turned into chocolate cake, wonderful. So he had a lot, and he had loads to eat, but it magically turned into poop again.
Now he ascends from eating the poop and actually possesses an electron this time, becoming the universal-tier electron god we all know and love.