When attempting to describe The Aspect Warlord, one will find that it is in fact easier to say what isn't known about it rather than what it is. This is because nobody actually wants to talk about what is known about him and his life. Upon reading about his shenanigans, one would probably find said stance somewhat reasonable.
It is known that the Warlord is the only Warlord in the entire Box (for some reason even though that makes no sense). The Warlord is also able to move from one user's continuity to another at his own will. This is because he's S P E C I A L and totally deserves S P E C I A L T R E A T M E N T. This does mean that whatever shenanigan about the Warlord literally any user will make will become 100% canon! Huzzah! It sure is great to be able to dictate the life of someone else's character.
- 1 Shenanigan One: Being Oblivious
- 2 Shenanigan Two: Pumping aynysys full of pi
- 3 Shenanigan Three: Pure unadulterated nipple torture
- 4 Shenanigan Four: Slipping on a trosinium banana peel, hitting head on corner of a table, dying, and being eaten by fourth walls only for them to spit out the meat because it tasted bad
- 5 Shenanigan five: why!?
- 6 shenanigan six: showing his decaceps (biceps, triceps, tetraceps, blah blah blah, 10 ceps)
- 7 shenanigan seven: bounty hunting but the bounties are for bananas
Shenanigan One: Being Oblivious
The Aspect Warlord is an Aspect Warlord. Who would've thunk it? He's apparently the only Aspect Warlord in existence and never shuts the fuck up about it. Every night, he sings an annoying little chant.
"*inhales* The wonderful thing about Warlords is Warlords are wonderful things! Their cocks are made of rubber! Their asses are made of springs! They're evil, treevil, fleevil, sneevil! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing about Warlords is I'm the only one! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M THE ONLY ONE!!!!"
All the Aspect Lords and Aspect Ladies H A T E D him and told him to fuck off all the time. But all that does is encourage him to continue talking about himself to others. To rub even more shite into the wound, he even makes up stories about things. His stories weren't inherently bad, no. But he brings them up over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until half the Aspect Lord population kermits suicide, providing lots of valuable Xaspunum for many civilizations. (Of course, we all know half of infinity is still infinity so this sadly has no effect on the Aspect Lord population)
One fateful metaday, one great big Aspect Lord gave the Warlord the ability to travel between continuities as if they were parallel archverses. Hopefully this would make the Warlord go away.What joy! Now the Aspect Warlord will be able to advertise his shit to parallel versions of his """""friends""""". Entities argued with him. Parallel versions of themselves should not be subjected to such torture! Mr. Great Big ranted about how unreasonable they were to want to keep him around in this continuity and they all collectively complied with him and instantly agreed with the argument. Can't argue with not having the Warlord around! At this point, one might ask about parallel versions of the Warlord in other continuities. What would he say to them? Good question! Well, the Warlord is insanely fucking confident that he is the only Aspect Warlord throughout all the continuities and never even questioned it. Apparently all that chanting managed to convince him that he was indeed the only one. As it turns out, that was the case. How convenient. It was not for the reason the Warlord suspected though....
After talking to his garden of petunias and a fucking tree (while also having intercourse with it--the only "being" that truly appreciates his shit) and before leaving his home continuity, he wanted to ensure that the entities from his home continuity did not forget about him in his leave. But just then, he noticed that the world wasn't sucking his
tiny enormous penis. No, no, no! The world was sucking the cock of a different entity. One that went by the name of "Oblivious". GASP! Versions of Oblivious were some of Aspect Warlords mere servants that were never acknowledged until now! And yet... this continuity is starting to suck Oblivious’ cock and NOT HIS OWN!!!! Warlord felt betrayed. He angrily picked up the Oblivious and slammed him into the tree--only for the tree to suck the Oblivious' cock too. W H A T ? ! tHE TreE neVer sUCkeD the WaRLorD's C O C K !!!!11!!1!!!!! ThIS WAS aN OUTRAGE!!!!!1!1!!!!!!1!!!
It was at this moment that the Warlord started to cry like a baby. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAfdgsfgshfshshgfhsHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!ddgdgsgsfa a bbbbbbb AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAagahaughguaghaugauhgauhgahaghaugauhaghuaghauhgahuagbuhagaagguAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAbbbbbbbbubcock sgjwergjwegrnjinbinbioanAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(warlord? more like uh... um... crybabylord)
Everyone told him to shut the fuck up. Normally this would motivate the Warlord to talk about his own shit more but this time, he ran the fuck away from his continuity blubbering like a bitch. (HALLELUJAH!! HALLELUJAH!! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLEHH-LU-JAHHHHHH!!!!) The entities living in it clearly did not want him around (ABOUT TIME HE FINALLY GOT THE FUCKING MESSAGE). The new continuity that the Warlord will move to would surely suck his cock and not Oblivious's--he was 100% sure about that. He'll be damned if his new home won't fiddle diddle with his widdle diddle---i MEAN uh ENORMOUS SCHLONG.
Of course, the people who actually write these continuities don't actually like Warlord and so, many shenanigans from continuity to continuity ensue as the Warlord desperately tries to get his dick sucked by the world around him.
Shenanigan Two: Pumping aynysys full of pi
There may be a dark storm starting to gather...
...and Warlord is bringing the thunder.
Aspect Warlord Shenanigan Two: Pumping aynysys full of pi
Coming soon to DVD and Blu-Ray in the hopefully forseeable future
Shenanigan Three: Pure unadulterated nipple torture
"AHHH AHHHH AHHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H H H H H H H H H H H H H" said the Warlord as his now bright neon pink and irritated nipples were being twisted into Oblivion by metal tweezers. "aaaaaaAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHUFDHGIHGHFHGDHSDDAKJGHKAJHHKHJK!!!!1!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!11" A tidal wave of thick, chunky, syrupy milk immediately splurged from the Warlord's infinitely many bulbous and warty Barney purple penes and drowned a lot of poor innocent dragons who were just trying to have their "dragon parties" in peace. This angered the friendly neighbourhood dragon couple (Alfie and Omar—who were trying to shove a gatling gun up their asses after the Warlord popularized the technique among dragonkind last shenanigan), who now wanted to punish the Warlord severely for ruining their fun.
So the dragons grabbed their very spiky and very rusty nipple torture devices and fastened them to the already incredibly itchy and swollen nipples of the Warlord and sent ten trigintillion volts of electricity coursing through the Warlord's disgusting saggy udders (which were covered in dragon shit. not an important detail but felt like mentioning it anyway). AKZAKZAKZAKZKAZKAZKZKZKKZZZZZZTZTZTZTZZZZZZKZKZKZKZKZZZZZZZZ went the electric nipple torture machines. BHBHBFBFBFBFHFBFHFBHFBRRRRRRRR went the thunder and AGHAGAHGHAGHAGHAGHAGAHGHAGHAGAAAGAAAAAAA went the Warlord, who came forth a terrible storm. After coming all over the Dragonverse the 2763rd time, it was at this point the Warlord's very strong homophobic views kicked in and his nipples shriveled up after the Warlord felt needlessly squeamish at the mere idea of two people of the same gender liking each other. The Warlord went on a long rant on Twitter detailing his final solution to murder all the gays (this means all of VAD) and so the Dragonverse was hit with a humongous wave of pure concentrated toxic shit from the Warlord's wrinkly old asshole. This angered Alfie and Omar, who canceled the Warlord for using the word "lizard" inappropriately and sent fifty googolplex volts of electricity through the Warlord's now charcoal black but very crispy nipples which now smelled like bacon. Mmmmm! Bacon!
The smell of bacon enticed the dragons, which were now tempted to eat the warlord's fifty seven crispety crunchy teats coated in a moist chocolatey coating but settled on changing the Warlord's scale colour to blue instead. The Warlord, interpreting this as Alfie and Omar trying to call him a Smurf (as he put W A Y Y too much value in the colour of his scales among other things), went absolutely fucking ballistic. He broke free from the nipple torture devices and attempted to "force" Alfie and Omar with his ""enormous C O C K S"" because apparently that was somehow infinitely more appropriate to put into a story about powerful deities than a gay relationship to the Warlord's twisted as fuck mind. Alfie and Omar tried to pull through with the power of love and friendship (which we're just going to pretend they always had--their relationship was actually always very abusive but the dragons apparently "needed each other to live" and all the other dragons always shipped them together so they just had to commit to their toxic relationship), but they unfortunately got unceremonious end when they died of laughter looking at Warlord's real impressive "lengths". The Warlord, now thoroughly fed up with this continuity after all this needless torture (which he instigated, mind you) decided to leave *at once*.
Unfortunately, Warlord was not looking where he was going and was about to step on some random trosinium banana peel just lying on the floor...
Shenanigan Four: Slipping on a trosinium banana peel, hitting head on corner of a table, dying, and being eaten by fourth walls only for them to spit out the meat because it tasted bad
Shenanigan five: why!?
he likes to do this a lot. When he wakes up at exactly noon (that’s when he likes to wake up, and he goes to sleep at exactly midnight) he sometime will pick up the bed, spit out a caterpillar, lift up the bed, fly to the moon of some random planet from 2 multiverses away, and place the bed on a couch on that moon. If there is no couch, he will spit a caterpillar that turns into a couch. He then searches for a window. When he finds one, he fuses it with the bed and a couch, somehow creating a hammer, and then he starts smashing bones with the hammer while impersonating some random, normal guy that he somehow knows without ever meeting said guy. He does this for 4 hours.
shenanigan six: showing his decaceps (biceps, triceps, tetraceps, blah blah blah, 10 ceps)
he kills universe warriors and variants daily. Huzzah! They are canon now. Also worshipping Zaloƒ and playing shovel knight as aspect warlordknight. He also programs sex robots. He is also has the powers of dunkey kong but 1/2 of them and revives himself on death such as shenanigan 4.
shenanigan seven: bounty hunting but the bounties are for bananas
Read the title. However, this is the main story that happens most of the time. First, he walks up to his friend the apsect larword, who is a bounty hunter, and asks the apsect larward who the biggest llama is. He says that the biggest llama hogs bananas.
TAW searches for the llama but when he finds it, it gives him money to find certain bananas, such as dę réd bñinåįh. Money? I meant to say armored guten tags even though guten tag is a german statement. Ok, so TAW finds the bananas but the banana is stolen by a crocodile named crooked isle, who is an even bigger banana hog.
He fights Crooked Isle and gets heavily injured, so he builds a rocket to a planet known as spook so he can treat his wounds somehow. He ends up dying, however he gets spat out from Crooked Isle’s mouth, which has a TAW recovery center in it. He then runs to the apsect larword and tells him, but the apsect larword is busy having sex with a dog.
This makes TAW angry and he kills the dog, making apsect angry, so they start dueling. Apsect gets pushed into the mouth of Crooked Isle, and then the llama comes and kills Crooked Isle, saving TAW but not apsect larword. As a reward, TAW gets a new mental disorder.
He also gets really angery sometimes during this.